Reflections

Life is too short.

I looked out the window this morning and reflected on how long it took for my joy to return to my soul. My birthday week marks the end of my father's life on this earth.

On this day in 2016, my Bornday landed on Easter, Resurrection Day. So because Daddy became more ill, he ended back up in the hospital that day.

I forgot all about me as thoughts of what could happen consumed me. Daddy held on and for the first time he remembered my birthday without my mother reminding him. "Happy Birthday Spooks" he said in a weak voice and his Bajan accent still strong like he'd just arrived in the states. At the moment I didn't mind his weird pet name for me "Spooks" that always made me embarrassed when he'd say it in public. I wanted to continue to hear it as long as I can and for Daddy to say it as long as he can.

Surrounded by family and love, we shared stories of the past and talked about the future as if Daddy would be able to heal miraculously and participate. As I laid next to Daddy in the hospital bed, me and my maker had a long talk in my mind about being made in his image and Daddy's strong will to live and the coincidence of Daddy becoming more ill on Resurrection Day. I believed something miraculous would take place and it didn't by the end of that week.

Each birthday ever since has been a bad emotional reminder until today. I realized I have resurrected. I am my father's child doing things I want to do and boldly like he did. I feel for the first time that I am living truthfully and freely in a world that is exploding with ugly truths around me. Daddy prepared me in some way for this and is with me, living through me in all the ways I believe he wished he could but the world didn't allow him to.

I think he realized that in his last days.....I saw it in his silence.

Life is too short, so here's to another year and the life ahead that I give myself permission to live in truth and in all my magical glory!